100

I've been super emotional about my Mom the last few days. I think it's because my Dad is due to arrive on Saturday and this is his first trip here without her. Not to mention, Thanksgiving is coming up..... which last year was the last time I saw her before we knew that she was sick. Everything was so wonderful and everyone had such a great time. I'm really thankful I have those memories........but how could I have known that only one year later, she would be gone and things would be so different. :cry: Yesterday was Tuesday, Cub Scout night. When I got the call from Amanda that day, I was in the car rushing home to get dinner on the stove to get out the door on time for Cub Scouts. For WEEKS after that, every Tuesday as we were getting ready for Cub Scouts, I relived that day. :( I used to count the days and the weeks since she had passed. Somehow that transitioned into months. I got thinking about that yesterday and wondering exactly when that happened. I think I stopped tracking the weeks around 10 weeks.....and was wondering how many weeks we are at now. I got the calendar down and flipped back to August and started counting. Yesterday was 14 weeks. I did the simple math that it was 98 days. Which means, tomorrow is 100 days that she's been gone. :bawl: That realization literally sucked the wind right out of me. I don't know why that hit me like a ton of bricks, but it did. It just seems so signifigant in some way. Amanda called not long after I discovered this and I broke down sobbing as I told her about it. It seemed to take her aback too.
I'm looking forward to seeing my Dad. But, I'm not looking forward to the holidays at all. So many memories tied to my Mom, that it's sure to be painful. I'd honestly rather just skip it altogether. :cry: I hope that I can fake enough cheer for my kids' sake this year and hope by next year I'll be in a better place emotionally. :pray: