Rest in Peace, President Gordon B. Hinckley.....

Our Prophet died last night. It wasn't unexpected since he was 97 years old, but at the same time it was. My Mom called me with the news just after 8 last night, he had only died about an hour before. I was absolutely stunned. Just not expecting to hear that kind of news at the moment. Then the flood gates opened. I honestly never thought that his passing would effect me in the way that it did. But, he has been the Prophet I have "known" the longest. Close to half my life and so far, my entire adulthood. I have loved, respected and revered him for so long and it is truly a loss to me and the Latter Day Saints all around the world. It is presumed that President Thomas S. Monson will be sustained as our new Prophet, though I suppose until it happens that nothing is necessarily written in stone. I am excited about this. He has long been my *favorite* apostle and I have no doubt he would be great in this role. Though I'm sure anyone else would be too, there is just something about him that has always connected with me. I'm enclosing the official Church Statement about President Hinckley's passing, to keep for myself.


SALT LAKE CITY 27 January 2008 President Gordon B. Hinckley, who led The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints through twelve years of global expansion, has died at the age of 97.

President Hinckley was the 15th president in the 177-year history of the Church and had served as its president since 12 March 1995.

The Church president died at his apartment in downtown Salt Lake City at 7:00 p.m. Sunday night from causes incident to age. Members of his family were at his bedside. A successor is not expected to be formally chosen by the Church’s Quorum of the Twelve Apostles until after President Hinckley’s funeral within the next few days.

President Hinckley was known, even at the age of 97, as a tireless leader who always put in a full day at the office and traveled extensively around the world to mix with Church members, now numbering 13 million in 171 nations.

His quick wit and humor, combined with an eloquent style at the pulpit, made him one of the most loved of modern Church leaders. A profoundly spiritual man, he had a great fondness for history and often peppered his sermons with stories from the Church’s pioneer past.

He was a popular interview subject with journalists, appearing on 60 Minutes with Mike Wallace and on CNN’s Larry King Live, as well as being quoted and featured in hundreds of newspapers and magazines over the years. During the Salt Lake Olympics of 2002, his request that the Church refrain from proselytizing visitors was credited by media with generating much of the goodwill that flowed to the Church from the international event.

In recent years, a number of major developments in the Church reflected President Hinckley’s personal drive and direction. In calling for 100 temples to be in operation before the end of the year 2000, the Church president committed the Church to a massive temple-building program.

In 1999 — 169 years after the Church was organized by its founder, Joseph Smith — the Church had 56 operating temples. Three years later that number had doubled, largely because of a smaller, highly practical temple architectural plan that delivered these sacred buildings to Church members in far-flung parts of the world. Many more Church members can now experience the sacred ceremonies that occur only in temples, including marriages for eternity and the sealing of families in eternal units.

President Hinckley was the most traveled president in the Church’s history. His duties took him around the world many times to meet with Latter-day Saints in more than 60 countries. He was the first Church president to travel to Spain, where in 1996 he broke ground for a temple in Madrid; and to the African nations of Nigeria, Ghana, Kenya, Zimbabwe and Cape Verde, where he met with thousands of Latter-day Saints in 1998. In 2005, he traveled nearly 25,000 miles on a seven-nation, nine-day tour to Russia, South Korea, China, Taiwan, India, Kenya, and Nigeria.

At a general conference of Church members in April 2001, President Hinckley initiated the Perpetual Education Fund — an ambitious program to help young members of the Church (mainly returning missionaries from developing countries) receive higher education and work-related training that they would otherwise likely never receive.

Closer to his Salt Lake City home, President Hinckley announced the construction of a new Conference Center in 1996 and dedicated it four years later. Seating 21,000 people, it is believed to be the largest religious and theater auditorium in the world and has become the hub for the Church’s general conference messages to the world, broadcast in 91 languages.

Even before his term as president, President Hinckley’s extensive Church service included 14 years as a counselor in the First Presidency, the highest presiding body in the government of the Church, and 20 years before that as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

President Hinckley was born 23 June 1910 in Salt Lake City, a son of Bryant Stringham and Ada Bitner Hinckley. One of his forebears, Stephen Hopkins, came to America on the Mayflower. Another, Thomas Hinckley, served as governor of the Plymouth Colony from 1680 to 1692.

President Hinckley’s first job was as a newspaper carrier for the Deseret News, a Salt Lake City daily. After attending public schools in Salt Lake City, he earned a bachelor of arts degree at the University of Utah and then served two years as a full-time missionary for the Church in Great Britain. He served with distinction and ultimately was appointed as an assistant to the Church apostle who presided over all the European missions.

Upon successfully completing his missionary service in the mid-1930s, he was asked by Heber J. Grant, then president of the Church, to organize what has become the Church's Public Affairs Department.

President Hinckley began serving as a member of the Sunday School general board in 1937, two years after returning home from missionary service in Great Britain. For 20 years he directed all Church public communications. In 1951 he was named executive secretary of the General Missionary Committee, managing the entire missionary program of the Church, and served in this capacity for seven years.

On 6 April 1958, while serving as president of the East Millcreek Stake in Salt Lake City (a stake is similar to a diocese), President Hinckley was appointed as a general authority, or senior full-time leader of the Church. In this capacity he served as an assistant to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles before being appointed to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles on 5 October 1961.

President Hinckley received a number of educational honors, including the Distinguished Citizen Award from Southern Utah University; the Distinguished Alumni Award from the University of Utah; and honorary doctorates from Westminster College, Utah State University, University of Utah, Brigham Young University, Southern Utah University, Utah Valley State College and Salt Lake Community College. The Gordon B. Hinckley Endowment for British Studies, a program focused on the arts, literature and history of the United Kingdom, was established at the University of Utah.

President Hinckley was awarded the Silver Buffalo Award by the Boy Scouts of America; was honored by the National Conference for Community and Justice (formerly the National Conference of Christians and Jews) for his contributions to tolerance and understanding in the world; and received the Distinguished Service Award from the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. In 2004, President Hinckley was also awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President George W. Bush in the White House.

In March 2000 President Hinckley addressed the National Press Club in Washington, D.C. He also addressed the Religion Newswriters Association and the U.S. Conference of Mayors and twice addressed the Los Angeles World Affairs Council.

President Hinckley wrote and edited several books and numerous manuals, pamphlets and scripts, including a best-selling book, Standing for Something, aimed at a general audience. In it he championed the virtues of love, honesty, morality, civility, learning, forgiveness, mercy, thrift and industry, gratitude, optimism and faith. He also testified of what he called the “guardians of virtue,” namely traditional marriage and family.

President Hinckley married Marjorie Pay in the Salt Lake Temple in 1937. They have five children and 25 grandchildren. Sister Hinckley passed away 6 April 2004.

Evening from he!!

Also copied from my other blog. Originally dated 1-25-08. I wish all the little smiley and laughing faces would copy over here, but they don't! lol

I seriously do have good moments in my life! lol I'll have to add some at the end of this.....

Okay.....so after two WEEKS of sickness running through the house, we all felt decent enough to go out as a family for dinner. Isabel is out with her girlfriends tonight, so it was just the 5 of us. After I tell her about it when I pick her up, she'll be glad she wasn't with us! lol We decide to go to Chili's. It's the closest non-fast food restaurant to us, and due to time we decided on that since after extra driving time to go anywhere else, we'd also have a wait due to it being a Friday night, so we'd just wait there. We get there, put our names on the list and are waiting and waiting and waiting. We start noticing people walking into the "bar" area and just sitting down without waiting. The bar area is really no different.....everything is smoke free and besides the fact that there are tv's in there, there's no difference. Kids can't sit *at* the bar, obviously, but no problem at the surrounding tables. We ask them what is going on with these people, did they call ahead or something? "Oh. That area is open seating. You can just walk in and sit at any available table." WTH???????? I tell her that that would have been really fabulous for her to tell us and give us that option when we got there and gave her our name and number of people, because waiting with young, hungry kids to be seated is so enjoyable. Of course at this point, there are no available tables. BUT....we're #2 on the list. FORTY FIVE FRIGGEN MINUTES later, it's our turn. Right as the server comes to take us to our table, Connor goes into this spontaneous coughing fit. Wasn't coughing before, haven't heard him since. We start sitting in the booth and I'm suddenly feeling warm and wet on my left side. Yep. He coughed so hard, he gagged and vomited all over himself and ME!!! So, guess what? We had to LEAVE!!!!!! We're all irritated, Aidan is bawling that we're leaving and Connor and I are still vomit soaked as we get in our car. We decide to hurry up through a drive though, since it's almost 7pm and we still haven't eaten. Drive up to Arby's. Don't know why I was crazy enough to do that, because it's always an "adventure" going to this Arby's. They are moving slow.......so slow in fact that the car ahead of us left without their order. Of course we didn't know this and when they go to run our card, they charge us the amount for their order and not ours...because of course, that order was the next in line. I point out their mistake and they have to credit us back and then charge us the right amount. More waiting and waiting. They start handing bags to us and from prior experience, I know to check the bags and make sure they have everything in there. Good thing I did. Only thing that was missing from our order was the au jus for my french dip......but we had extra stuff too. The lady told us to go ahead and keep it because if they took it back through the window, she'd just have to throw it out anyway. You can bet that after being at the drive through for FIFTEEN minutes, DH and I enjoyed those bonus cheesecake bites! Something had to be good right? I did have to come home and jump in the shower with Connor before I could eat though. Did I mention that DH got a surprise root canal this afternoon? Yeah. It's been a GREAT day! lol

Funny moment earlier today...... One little boy I watch is only coming one day a week right now, as his Mommy is on maternity leave. Baby sister is 20 days old today. He's coming basically to be with his friends for a day and give Mommy a break. So, he walks up to me sitting on the couch this afternoon and says, "Jodi, you have BREASTS!!! (and pats me there )You feed the baby too?" I'm in shock and laughing and I thought Isabel was going to pee her pants laughing and he turns to her and says, "Isabel, you have breasts too?" ahhhhhh.....the joys of a three year old who has just discovered breasts & breastfeeding with his new baby sister in the house.

Uncomfortable Conversations......

This is copied from my other blog. Originally dated 1-25-08

Last night, well early this morning really, I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep due to the symphony DH was performing next to me. After laying there a while in fruitless effort to go back to sleep, I decided to get up and dink around on the computer. Checked email, surfed FT and other site boards I frequent and then went to my sp@ce. Nothing new really with my friends there, so I just started looking up people I know, but are not connected as my "friend" there. One was my 16 year old cousin. Last time I even saw her was a couple of years ago at another cousin's wedding. I was so shocked and saddened by what I saw there. There weren't any bad pictures or anything like that, well, maybe there are but her pics are made private so I couldn't see them, though her page itself is not private. But, nearly all of the comments made to her there were bits of conversations she was having with her friends and nearly every single one pertained to drugs, being high/trippin', getting high, what was going to happen at the next party, etc. I called my Mom this morning and asked her if she'd heard anything recently about "J." If her parents were having a hard time with her or anything and she said she didn't know of anything and I told her what I saw. Made her sad too. My Mom happens to work in the same office building as her sister (this is one of her brother's dd I'm talking about) and she asked her if she knew anything since she also has a DD the same age, they go to the same school, etc. She knew a few things, but nothing like this. They decided it was best to tell my uncle what I saw. My Mom was nervous and sad that she was potentially going to drop a "bomb" on her brother, but none of us could live with ourselves knowing this about his minor child without telling him, should something happen to her. Not exactly a comfortable conversation to have with someone. He took it really well and though he didn't know this about his DD, wasn't all that surprised. They've apparently been having a rough time with her and actually spent a couple of hours at the high school this morning because she is hardly ever (unbeknownst to them) at school. This probably explains a lot. One thing I find frustrating is that he knew nothing about her my sp@ce page and told my Mom, "Oh I don't know anything about that computer stuff." Hello? You have a teenager!!! Teach yourself. She has this whole forum to help cover the life she's living because he can't access it. She could get herself in sooooooo much trouble online, as many girls have, and he wouldn't know a thing about it. Anyway.....feeling like a bit of a snitch right now. But, if it helps her in the end, I don't care.
Other uncomfortable conversations.....or more upsetting. My Grandma's mind is really slipping. It's been on the decline for quite a while now, but is getting so much worse. My Aunt had lunch with my Grandparents and one of her grandkids today and she mentioned something about my Mom and her cancer treatments and Grandma *flipped.* "WHAT???? WHAT????" and is all upset and crying about my Mom. She has been told many, many times about Mom and every single time, it's the "first" time. She really doesn't remember and relives it (finding out) every time anyone says anything. Upsetting for her, upsetting for my Mom. *sigh* Life is so unfair sometimes. I told my sister that Grandma needs to make it through this year. Mom is going through enough already without losing her Mom too. This time last year, she was doing so badly healthwise that we didn't think she'd make it through the end of the year. But, things improved and she's hanging in here physically and losing it mentally. *sigh*

Connor the *next* American Idol........

We watched Wednesday's show last night and my boys have all had it stuck in their heads ever since! I can't imagine why. lmbo Had to get Connor, age 3, singing it! :o)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz1COJHmpLA

I tried to stalk..........

Ty Pennington and the Extreme Makeover Team yesterday......but the darn streets were blocked off and couldn't get anywhere near them. DH told me the other day that they were doing a house in Albuquerque and I so wanted to check it out. I dropped Isabel off at the airport, she is visiting relatives over the long weekend in Dallas, and so I picked DH up from work...since the airport is right by his work. He decided we should drive past it. It was kinda scary and I really question them putting up a brand new gorgeous home in the area they are. Though obviously, the family needs it. This is in "da hood" or the "ghetto" or whatever you want to call it. In Albuquerque......it's known here as "The War Zone." This is the highest crime area in the city, lots of gang violence, etc. The people getting the home are not thugs or gangstas.....it is a pastor/minister and his large family. Apparently, they didn't even have a working stove and were using hot plates to cook on .....even through this they were reaching out and helping others in the community despite their own struggles. They definitely deserve it. But, this house will NOT fit in in this neighborhood that is really run down and most people have bars on their windows, etc. and I worry that it will actually make them a target for crime. We had just driven past the area, not even a block and witnessed the police wrestling around with someone trying to take them into custody for something. That was unnerving! Disappointed I didn't get to see Ty whom I have met before and he's as cute and sweet in person as he is on tv. But, I did see the "move that bus" bus. We also saw three hot air balloons up over the city with a helicopter circling it. Albuquerque is known for hot air ballooning and I would place money that the "team" was out for a ride. It is unusual to see hot air balloons in the afternoon and with the helicopter flying around them, I would assume it was filming them. The show is supposed to air in about 6 weeks. I'm excited to see it!

The Beginning of Mom's Battle With Pancreatic Cancer.....

I decided to copy this from my blog elsewhere and keep what I've written about Mom so far in chronoligical order as I've written it.

December 11, 2007
My Mom has some issues going on with her health. I knew some of it, but had no idea of the extent of it till my sister called me and told me yesterday. Her symptoms can be indicative of several things......the worst being pancreatic cancer. I don't think that she realizes how serious it might be. She went to the doctor yesterday and they took a bunch of blood to run tests. Called her back this morning and said that they want to do a CT scan tomorrow. I am really freaking out here. She works at a medical facility and actually has the capability of pulling her own lab reports. I think she's going to and see maybe what the doctors are thinking. Please, PLEASE, Heavenly Father......Don't let it be anything serious and unfixable. I *need* my Mommy!!!! If anyone can offer some prayers for my Mom, I'd really appreciate it.

December 11, 2007
Got a little bit more information. After the bloodwork came back, her regular physician turned her "case" over to an internal medicine doctor. They are the ones that called her and set up her CT Scan for tomorrow.....specifically for her liver. Puts my mind at ease a little bit over the possible death sentence of pancreatic cancer. However, the liver issues could be very serious too, depending on what they find. If it's just that. We figured that "something" was going on with her liver....because the whites of her eyes are yellow. This is one of the things I had *no* idea about till Amanda called me yesterday. She said she had seen my Mom the day before and asked her what the heck was wrong with her eyes, that they are yellow. Which is a huge indicator of something being wrong with her liver. This stuff can also be caused from pancreatic cancer....which is a scary thought. So....anyway.....the focus seems to be on her liver. We have all known that my Mom suspected that she had an ulcer. Has had them before and knows what they feel like. So, she went and picked herself up some Prilosec OTC to "treat" herself. This is when it all started. But, who was to think that Prilosec would have any ill effect on anyone? Well, my little sister has a little knowledge and has seen things that the rest of us don't because she worked for several years in a medical clinic and she has some training on medications and stuff because she is a medical transcriptionist. So, she called and told my Mom this afternoon and told her that she knew of some extremely rare cases of bad reaction to Prilosec. Now, this information is not found in the disclosures of Prilosec OTC in the box, but it is found in the Physicians desk reference books they have as well as the pharmacy inserts you get *if* you get an actual perscription for it. For whatever reason they decided to leave this bit of info out of the over the counter meds. *sigh* So, I found this info online and the guy who wrote it also mentions these things....but his huge concern is the high dosage that the Prilosec OTC has, being 20mg....which may be too high since it can be prescribed at 10mg. Anyway.....I copied/pasted the info here. These are the *exact* things that have been going on with my Mom.....all of it. Prescription Prilosec is usually well-tolerated, so Prilosec OTC should be also. Yet headache, diarrhea, abdominal pain, nausea, or a rash occur in 1%-5% of patients taking prescription Prilosec.4 These side effects aren't mentioned in the Prilosec OTC package insert despite the fact that Prilosec OTC is the same 20-mg dose as the standard prescription dose that doctors prescribe initially to patients.andPrilosec inhibits one of the key liver enzymes (cytochrome P450 2C19) involved in eliminating drugs from our systems. This may lead to increased blood concentrations of drugs such as Coumadin (warfarin), Dilantin (phenytoin), Valium (diazepam), and others. Indeed, the box of OTC Prilosec mentions these drug interactions and others (including digoxin).2 If you are taking prescription drugs, be sure to check with your pharmacist about potential drug interactions with Prilosec OTC. Again, a lower dose would lessen these risks.Now, this last part, could explain exactly what is going on with her. She's on a variety of medications for different health issues and if her liver wasn't able to get rid of it all, it may have become toxic to her or even caused damage to her liver. As bad as that is, it is actually one of the better things that *could* be going on with her. I would just find it very coincidental that thse exact things happen to her when she started taking the Prilosec. Let's hope that it's that and that there hasn't been any signifigant or irreversible damage done to her liver from it. *sigh*eta......the "ulcer" like pain has completely vanished. Probably due to the Prilosec. But, then everything else started.

December 14, 2007
Didn't have time to blog about this yesterday. The doctor did call and say that they found a "cyst" in between her liver and pancreas. This is blocking the area the liver drains from....thus why she is jaundiced. She said she is *really* yellow now. Not just the whites of her eyes. We are hoping and praying it is truly a cyst (which are usually not harmful) and that the doctor didn't use that in lieu of the word tumor, just to keep her from freaking out and ruining her weekend away. The "cyst" is between 1/2-3/4 of an inch......That in itself gives me a little relief.....because it's small and operable. She asked the doctor if it could be cancer and he said there's always the chance it could be and they won't know for sure till it's out, but he really doesn't think so at this point. It has to come out no matter what it is though, for the fact it's inhibiting her liver function as it is. So, more than likely she will be having surgery in the coming week as the doctor said that they will want to take it out "right away." *sigh* This is when it is sooooooooo hard for me to be so far away. There's not a dang thing I can do for her other than pray for her. Monday she has an appointment with the internal medicine specialist and I guess we'll know more at that point. More waiting. ugh. If you could keep my Mom in your prayers, that would be great.


December 17, 2007
Got off the phone with my Dad a little bit ago and I can't stop crying. My Dad, who has always been the strong man type, called to update me after Mom's appointment with the internal med. doctor this morning. He was trying to sound strong, but I could hear the fear in his voice and that was so hard to hear. All we know right now is that there is something causing a blockage of her bile ducts. She is severely jaundiced right now. At 4pm, she is going to go in and they will put her under and send some sort of scope down her throat to see what's going on and hopefully pull out the blockage. Depending on what they see will determine what happens next. The doctor has said it could be something as simple as a gall stone or an insulin induced inflammation (pancreatitis, I think is what Dad called it) causing the blockage or a cyst as mentioned before. But, the doctor also used the word tumor and discussed the possibility of pancreatic cancer. If it's not a simple obstruction, such as a gallstone, she will go later this week up to SLC for specialized testing to see exactly what it is and possibly operate further. If it's "localized" and something they can take out, they will. Otherwise, as my Dad said, "They will close her up and it'll be a matter of time." OMG. I can't believe those words have been used in reference to *MY* Mom. Please, please, PLEASE pray for my Mom, that they won't find anything scary today. I am unbelievably scared and am crying so hard I feel sick. I just want to curl up in a ball.....but I have kids here.

December 17, 2007
It's a tumor. This is the first chance I've had to blog since I found out earlier this evening. Had a good cry (again) a puke and then had to go to the school for Isabel's drama class play. *sigh* I'm completely exhausted and totally drained, so I'll just give a quick run down. The scope procedure she had done showed that the blockage has been caused by a tumor. We don't know yet whether it is malignant or benign. They biopsied the tumor and then inserted a stint (sp?) in order to allow flow through the bile ducts. That should relieve her liver and the jaundice, etc. should clear up within a few days. The doctor said the biopsy results should be back in about 3 days. More waiting and not knowing. ugh. She will be going up to Salt Lake City for more testing and for surgery to actually remove the tumor. The doctor said this type of surgery is equivalent to open heart surgery. Major, major surgery. So, now, we wait and pray that the tumor is benign. Please continue to pray for my Mom and if you could squeeze one or two in for me, so that I can hold it together, I would appreciate it very much. Going to bed, hopefully I can sleep. It's been a long, nightmare of a day.

December 18, 2007
Their on their way to the hospital......In about two hours! My Mom called about an hour ago. She was a sobbing mess. We all are. She told me that LDS Hospital in SLC had *just* called and want her there at 7:30am TOMORROW!!! Talk about no notice.....that's a six hour drive for my parents. So, they are leaving in about 2 hours to make the drive, get rested and to the appointment in the morning. I'm not exactly clear on what this appointment is at this point. I guess it's to do the specialized testing and ultrasounds previously discussed with the doctor yesterday, to figure out how invasive the tumor is at this point. As far as I know, the pathology reports aren't even back yet. If they are going to go ahead and operate tomorrow or the next day.....I don't know. This is all happening so fast, I can't believe it. We are all in shock right now. My Mom is such a mess, talking to her is kind of pointless. She doesn't say much and what she does say, I can't understand through the crying. I hate to hear her like this. I feel so helpless. Amanda is over there by now with her girls having lunch and saying goodbye. Her girls made Grandma "Get Well" and "I Love You" cards and I haven't even had the chance to do anything at all, with as quickly as this has gone. I wanted to buy her some new pj's or robe & slippers for the hospital, but I don't know how I can. This sucks. This sucks so much.
Oh my goodness. I just hope and pray that this really is still just the effects of the anethesia, but I just got the weirdest phone call from my Mom. This is the first I've talked to her since about an hour before she went in for the procedure. She sounded really groggy and out of it, but I didn't think much of it at first. I then said to her, "Not the best of news, huh?" and she said, "Why? What have you heard?" I said, "Um, has nobody talked to you (though I was pretty sure they had, per my conversation with my Dad only half an hour to 45 mins before)? And she said, "Yeah, but I'm just really confused." So, stammering, I tell her, "Well, they discovered that it's a tumor." She says, "Oh. So that means I have to go to Salt Lake. Well, that's just great!" She seriously acted like she hadn't previously heard a word about it. Really freaked me out, so I told her to lay back down and rest and called my Dad as he wasn't home. He had to take the car in to get the transmission looked at. He could feel it slipping as they drove to the airport last weekend to fly to OR for my Uncle's wedding. Now, with having to drive to SLC, he *has* to get it fixed asap. I called Amanda right after my Dad and she thinks it's still the effects of the anesthesia. I hope she's right. *sigh*On top of all of that, my Mountain Dew has gone missing. Anyone seen it? lol I am really dragging this morning and need some caffeine.

December 19, 2007
Mom is at the hospital now. Had to be there at 7:30am to get things started....paperwork, etc. Talked to my Dad a little while ago, and they had just taken her back to get started on the testing. They've only been there a little over 2 hours, but it really feels like an eternity to me. Still no idea whether or not they will operate today or when. Have no idea about anything. I feel like there's a bomb hanging overhead.....just waiting to drop. I hate knowing that it's entirely possible that today I may find out my Mom is going to die....way sooner than any of us would like. Right now, I'm just clinging with everything I have to the slim possibility that it's not cancer....and on the greater possibility it is, that it will be operable and treatable (meaning it's completely localized in that tumor). The waiting and waiting is so hard.

December 19, 2007
I was on the phone with Amanda seeing if she'd heard anything, when my Dad came on her call waiting. She came back on and told me that he told her that yes, it is cancer.....but.......it is completely localized to the tumor and has not spread beyond it. THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER!!!!! This is the very best possible scenario we have hoped and prayed for, if it had to be cancer. I had been reading on mayoclinic.com last night all about everything to do with pancreatic cancer. All the types, scenarios, treatments, etc. From everything we knew about Mom's symptoms and what we'd been told through her ct scan and endoscopy, it appeared to have started in the bile ducts....which caused the whole jaundice stuff, etc. Rather than having already taken over her pancreas and ending up there.....which would have been a very, very bad scenario. But, now, we know that it can be completely removed and her chances are very good. The doctors are very optimistic about what her outcome will be. Still not sure when they are operating. Amanda said something about them waiting till after Christmas, but as crappy as it would be for Mom (and thus, Dad) to spend Christmas in the hospital, I don't want them to give this any time at all to spread and ruin her chances to live. *That* is more important. I cried and cried from the relief this news has brought us and now have a massive, throbbing headache. But, I feel like a million pounds has been lifted from my shoulders. Thank you all so much for the prayers you have offered for us. I was so eerily calm last night, it was quite bizarre. I know that was in answer to all the prayers. You have no idea how much it means to me and my family. Thank you so much. If you could continue to pray that things will stay as they are and that schedules will be so that the operation can happen as soon as possible, that would be awesome. I don't know what will happen after the surgery.....whether Mom will require chemo/radiation or both. As hard as that would be for her to go through, the fact that that is even a possibility is wonderful as opposed to what the alternative could have been. Thanks so much for being here for me and Amanda and our family.

December 20, 2007
Just wanted to share my thoughts over the last week or so. I knew before, but have had my knowlege reaffirmed that prayer is an amazing, powerful thing. I have felt and seen it's works so much over the past week.....much in thanks to you all. I have had some really, really hard moments, staring my Mom's mortality in the face. But, as I mentioned before, a couple of nights ago I was so calm and filled with peace and comfort that all will be okay, that it was really strange. I was even telling Isabel it was almost freaking me out how calm I was. Like I was logically thinking....."I should not be feeling so calm with everything that is going on." Yet, even thinking about everything, nothing changed how I was feeling. I know the Holy Ghost was with me and holding me together and still is. I know Amanda has said that she is feeling the same thing. Even my Mom, who you have to know is the worry wart of all worry warts.....though obviously scared, has also been amazingly calm over the last couple of days. She has actually expressed more concern for me & my family and our long drive to Tennessee tomorrow, than about herself. Yeah, anytime we do these trips she's a nervous wreck. lol Glad to see that hasn't changed. Knowing my Mom, as I do, I never would have thought she would remain so calm through something like this.....not that she's not had her moments. Other than the overwhelming feeling of calm, there are other things I know are happening through the power of prayer. It's really interesting to have seen how everything has happened and how everything is falling into place. One that the cancer is as it is......and her prognosis is really good. They had first started talking to a surgeon at LDS Hospital about what will happen and he came right out and said that he'd be more than happy to do the surgery for them but as he's not a "provider" under their insurance it would cost them more money than if she were to have surgery at the U of U Hospital and that there are two very, very good surgeons there that he highly recommends. Now, my parents are definitely not made of money.....so this is a huge blessing that this will not take a huge chunk out of their retirement savings. At least not more than it has to. This was after the idiots at her insurance company were giving her crap about covering a scan she needs to have....."Well, we only approve these things if they are deemed medically necessary." Ummmm.....hey stupid.....why would anyone have such a scan if it weren't medically necessary? I really doubt that people come to have them for a good time. I think that a cancerous pancreatic tumor is probably just cause. Seriously, *WHERE* do they get these people???? So, changing the hospital and thus surgeons is a good thing. Last night I called my Mom and asked how she's doing and she said she was feeling really hopeful "now." I asked her what she meant. Well, the first surgeon was supposed to get a hold of the other surgeons and get back to her. Never heard from anyone and were wondering what in the world was going on. Next thing they know, they get a phone call from the head honcho CEO of the U of U Hospital himself. Mr. CEO man just so happens to be the son of Mom's co-worker "T." I don't think that Mom's even talked to T since Monday when she went back to work after her initial consult with the interal med doctor, but she must have called him and told him about Mom and told him to make sure she's taken care of. He told her she wasn't to worry about a thing that she would be well taken care of and he would personally make sure that she was and he has. He even called her again this morning to let her know about her appointments and told her all about the surgeon he has set her up with.....who is a top ranking surgeon in the nation! Who knew my Mom had such connections? lol So as it appears at this moment, she will have the additional scan tomorrow afternoon and will go back home after it's done and have surgery just after Christmas. The surgeon has told her that just one week will not make a difference. I hope that he is right. It is just amazing how everything to get her well is falling into place and I know that is because of God and through prayer.

January 10, 2008
Most of the major stuff (so far) happened right before Christmas.....her getting ill, all the tests/procedures and diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. Just after Christmas, she had an appointment at the cancer treatment center in her city and they went over her treatment plan and all of that. She had yet another ct scan where they pin pointed the tumor and at that time gave her three tiny tattoo dots, which they will use to direct the radiation during her 5 day/week treatments for nearly 6 weeks, in order to shrink the tumor before doing surgery to remove the remaining portion. So, after all of this, she gets a call from the people at the headquarters of the cancer treatment center in SLC (she will go to her local branch for treatments) two days ago and they tell her that they want her to come back up to SLC to have *yet another* scope and biopsy......just to be sure. WTH??? We are so confused as to why they are doing this. Apparently, the biopsies they got previously came back negative. However......this happens in about 99% of all pancreatic tumors, that are in fact malignant though initial biopsies say otherwise (pancreatic tumors are almost NEVER benign).....plus, the bloodwork they did tested POSITIVE for pancreatic cancer.....and I don't think there are false positives for this. So, I think it's really a matter of them covering their behinds.....but it's so frustrating. My Mom has been through so much already, will be going through so much more with her treatments and surgery in the next few months and yet has to make another 6 hour drive, in winter weather, get put "under" again, for them to do another scope and biopsy.....which leaves her a bit sore too, so they can be sure of what they already know. *sigh* So, Mom and Dad will head back up there today for an appointment tomorrow, after her appointment in town today to do a "dry run" of her radiation treatments.....which start next week. Chemo (which is once a week) starts next week too. Gosh, it would have been nice if her last weekend before all this starts could have been a little relaxing and maybe have some fun too, before she's not feeling well for so long. I'm so sad for what she's going to have to go through. But, I am so very thankful that her outcome should be great. My sisters and I are planning a party for my Mom and Dad's 40th wedding anniversary. We will drive up from NM, my little sis and her family will fly in from Seattle and of course, Amanda is already there. This will be the first time we have all been together, all of us, in a very very long time. Seems like someone is always missing.....but we will ALL be there!!! Well, now, I take that back.....now that Amanda is pg.....I guess we won't all be "there" so I guess in utero will have to do for the little bean! lol We are all very excited about it and it's giving Mom something to look forward to in between her treatments being over and having surgery. Summertime and good health and the new baby are what she has to look forward to post surgery. It's a really emotional ride for all of us. Especially for Mom. Obviously, it's never a *good* place for anyone to be in, being a cancer patient. But, it's also put her in a weird social place too and it's something she's having to deal with on top of everything else. People she has known for most of her life will now pass her in the grocery store and very obviously and uncomfortably avoid making eye contact with her, much less come and talk to her and see how she's doing. Some very dear family friends we've had for over 30 years and an old coworker of Mom's she's known for about 18 years have not responded at all to emails they've received about what's going on with her (I'm trying to give them the benefit of a doubt that they've just not checked their email in a month!). But, *my* old coworkers will walk up to her and throw their arms around her and wish her their best. Even Dad's old Navy buddies are emailing her frequently and giving her prayers and well wishes! lol At Church on Sunday, she was very overwhelmed.....by people hugging her and wanting all the details and offering any kind of help they can give her and Dad and other people quietly hugging her and walking away in tears without saying a word. It's hard for her to deal with some obvious "rejection" from people we'd have thought better of and overwhelming attention coming from everywhere at the same time. She's not liking being the center of attention over something not so good. It's hard for her being the "charity case" but I told her that in life we all have time when we are the givers and times when we are the receivers and that she and Dad need to suck it up and let people help them. They will need it (her because she won't be able to do anything and Dad because everything is going to fall on him and that's a heavy load for one man, alone...I'm talking more after her surgery than anything) and it's a blessing for everyone all around. We know that we are to help and serve each other and they need to let people have that opportunity just as they have taken in helping others when they were in need. It's an eye opening experience overall, to say the least.

January 14, 2008
When I last blogged about Mom, she was headed up to SLC for another scope. This was essentially a *second opinion* which did confirm that she has pancreatic cancer. Honestly, we didn't learn anything new, it was essentially to cover the doctors' behinds. She was sore from it all weekend, which made me sad. I was hoping that she'd have a little "normal" time before life as she knows it gets put on hold for a while. They did give her a nerve block, which is alleviating pain from the tumor. So, at least that's helping her be a little more comfortable before everything else starts. You may recall when this all started, that she had what she thought was pain from an ulcer and was self medicating with Prilosec OTC. We were initially hoping that all the symptoms she was having was some sort of allergic reaction/horrible side effect from the Prilosec. Turns out, that pain was the tumor. She meets with the chemo doctor today and will find out when that will start. She was supposed to meet him on Friday, but had to reschedule so she could go get the second scope done. Radiation starts on Wednesday. This phase will be done in about 5 1/2-6 weeks and surgery will be about 5 weeks after that followed by 3 more months of chemo. I didn't know about the follow up chemo till this past Friday. They apparently forgot to tell me that detail. I thought it was all going to be done after the surgery. I'm not one to wish away time, but I will be so glad when the first half of 2008 is over and my Mom is feeling good again. I HATE THIS!!!! I'm PMS'ing and feeling very emotional about all this today.
Small update on Mom......

January 16, 2008
She did her first round of chemo this morning. She was given anti-nausea meds beforehand. All went well. The doctors said she really shouldn't have much side effects from the chemo. She went in to do her first radiation treatment about 50 minutes ago. It's only supposed to take about 20 minutes, but I've not heard from her yet so I don't know how that went. The radiation is supposed to be the thing that will eventually make her feel crappy and fatigued. She'll probably get through at least a few sessions before that happens though. She's trying so hard to be positive and upbeat. I guess she had a little break down last night when Mandy was over visiting. I think it was probably more nerves about today than anything. She's entitled to have a pity party for herself now and then. Though I hope that her good days will outweigh her bad.

Feeling a bit goth........

Picked out a nice brown shade to dye my hair last night. Wanted something close to my natural shade....basically to cover my grown out highlights. I like my hair highlighted.....but it's such maintenance and $$$$. I will do full coverage dye jobs myself, but will not mess with highlights on my own so they are a lot more expensive. I didn't get around to doing it last night, so I broke open the box as soon as my daycare kids were gone this afternoon. Well, it turned out DARK brown. Quite a bit darker than on the box and what I expected! lol Doesn't look bad, but definitely darker than I had planned on going. Oh well, should fade down eventually. I guess at least I don't have the regrowth thing going on. With my pale winter skin and newly dark hair, I'm feeling a little goth at the moment!

Conversations I want to remember......

I really need to be better writing this stuff down. Kids are too darn funny!

Connor (3y2m old) ...last week.
C- "Mommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
Me- "Well, I'm your Mommy."
C- "Mom! (in an exasperated tone) You *have* to be something!"
Me- "Isn't being a Mommy something?"
C- "No!" Thanks kid! lol
C- "I know Mommy! You could be an ASTRONAUT!!!!"

Aidan (6y/o)......this morning.
A- "Mom! Mrs. V_ and Mrs. L_ keep telling me, "You're ready for first grade!"
Me- "That's cool!"
A- "You see, Mom. I'm just a guy who's trying to go to first grade."
Me- *laughing*
A- "I'm serious Mom. I'm going to first grade!"

Conversation between Aidan and Connor while eating breakfast this morning...
A- "Connor, are you going to marry A (my daycare girl)?"
C- "NO!!! She's my friend!!!
A- "Well, you could marry her. You can marry anyone you want to."
C- "I'm not going to marry A!"
A- "I'm going to marry whoever I want. But, only beautiful girls can marry me!"

First blog

This is officially my first blogspot blog. I was doing a random search of someone and stumbled upon blogspot blogs of many people I know....completely unrelated to the person I was searching for. Very bizarre! lol But, it was very interesting and thought I'd start one of my own. I blog in a couple of other places, but thought this would be a cool place to start one a little more open for people in my life to share daily ins and outs of the Simper house. Hopefully, I'll be able to find and connect with friends and family here!